Remembering
by Alaive
Summary: Five years after Tezuka leaves Seigaku and tennis, he seems to have forgotten everything except that one face. (Complete)
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Tennis no Ohjisama.

Notes: Hey, all ye peoples who actually bother to read my pathetic story, this was just an idea I had when I was watching the anime and goofing around with a word document so any feedback would be extremely welcome. Sankyuu!

-x-

Tennis…it was a word of the past, a past that didn't seem to quite connect to his current self. His memories carrying the title of Seigaku's captain were almost nonexistent. That was expected, since he made little effort to keep them there in his head; as a result, they were beginning to fade bit by bit.

It had been…how long? Five years since he left Seishun Gakuen, also the dreams he called tennis, those years seemed to drag on like centuries, not that Tezuka ever remembered feeling young.

That hardly mattered now, it was stupid to try and relive the past with a piano concert less than 10 minutes away. He'd forgotten everything…well, almost everything.

Except that one face. That face would not fade from his mind's eye; the harder he tried to forget, the more that face would taunt him, nagging at the back of his subconscious, causing him to lose concentration on whatever he was doing. He couldn't afford that.

That face haunted him; he'd long forgotten the name.

"Tezuka-san," the head usher peeked into the room, "You have five minutes."

After a brief glance at his watch, Tezuka nodded, "Fine."

"And this is a note from your mother."

"Thank you." He put the plain envelope on the table, making no move to open it, there would be time for that later, and time was running short.

"I'll come for you again when we are ready, good luck." The usher closed the door.

Tezuka let out a shaky breath that he wasn't even aware of holding. He looked at his watch again. Two minutes, one minute…

He took a deep breath.

"Tezuka-san." The usher magically materialized at his elbow. "It's time to go."

Numbly, Tezuka somehow got to his feet and forced his leaden feet to move. A thought flashed through his mind as he placed one hand on the doorknob. The thought was only there for a total of eight seconds, so he had no time to deem it true or false, nor did he really care. The thought was this: _I was never nervous when I played tennis._ Tennis…that was tennis, this was piano, they were totally different things.

-x-

Inui met him backstage, after the performance. "Nice job, only two concerts to go and you're free for this season."

Inui Sadaharu was the only one with whom Tezuka had bothered to keep in touch in the past years, for no particular reason, he just happened to share a rented apartment with Inui two miles down from campus. Though it was he who paid most of the rent.

"Be serious." Tezuka snapped as he stuffed his sheet music in a faded shoulder bag that looked very out of place when he carried it, partly because he was wearing a suit and tie. "I made mistakes, I know that." He really wasn't in the best of moods, with an exam to cram for tomorrow morning; Tezuka could sense a major headache coming.

"It wasn't that bad, you rushed a bit on the last piece, and on the ending, you played a major chord instead, but nobody noticed, except me, because I hear this song everyday, it's only reasonable that I'd detect the mistakes. You completed at least 96 percent of it, as far as I can tell." Inui said, shoving a bouquet of fresh yellow tulips into his arms. "Before I forget, these are for you."

"Tulips…right." Tezuka raised an mildly curious eyebrow, "Who brought these? You didn't, I'm assuming."

"The usher brought them a few minutes ago."

"I'm not interested." Tezuka shoved the tulips back at Inui.

"Tezuka, don't be an idiot, they're not from the usher." Inui examined the flowers, then stating the obvious. "Whoever sent you these…there's no note."

"Note or no note, I don't care." Tezuka shouldered the bag, "I'm not in a good mood, let's go home. I've got more than enough homework to last me a lifetime."

Inui had enough sense to shut up as he followed his friend out the door.

-x-

Since Tezuka was tired, Inui wordlessly took the wheel. "Do you even remember them?"

Tezuka rested his head on the windowpane. "Who?"

"You know who, Tezuka."

"I wish I didn't." that was the truth, he didn't want to remember, "Only bits and pieces."

"Like?"Inui was clearly enjoying this, for some reason. Maybe he just enjoyed seeing his former captain struggle.

"There was a kid who hissed and wore bandanas."Tezuka ventured finally.

"That was Kaidoh."

"A kid with a cap, a freshman, I think."

"That was Echizen."

"Wasn't there a person who, well, had a dual personality, if you could put it that way?"

"That was Kawamura."

"Why are we even having this conversation?" It seemed to Tezuka that this conversation was sour, they had recalled this dialogue one time too many. He was tired. "If you really want a reunion, you could look them up in the phone book."

"You wouldn't approve, would you?"

"If you care about what I approve of or not, you wouldn't even bothered bringing this up, we've been over it." Tezuka retorted quietly.

"You should go to bed early today." Inui said right out of the blue, "There's a 70 percent chance that you'll flunk your exam if you don't get enough sleep."

"I think I need some aspirin." Tezuka pressed a hand to his forehead.

Inui braked suddenly and pulled the car near the curb, "Fine, there's some in the cupboard, what do you want me to do with the tulips?"

"Do whatever you want, I really don't care." Tezuka managed to drag himself out of the car, "I'm going to bed."

Inside, Tezuka swallowed two pills and collapsed on the bed, overcame with fatigue, he dreamed of the face.

-x-

"Hey, wake up. Tezuka? Tezuka!" a hand shook him roughly.

Tezuka rolled over and opened his eyes to see Inui standing over him pointing at the clock. 8:00, his first class started at 8:15, he had exactly fifteen minutes to get over to the campus. "Damn." He swore under his breath, "Why didn't you wake me earlier?" he sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes.

"I just got out of the shower." Inui slung a wet towel over his shoulder. "Hurry up."

"Don't you need the car?"

"I can walk, my first class doesn't start until 10:45."

"Great." Tezuka ducked into the bathroom and quickly changed into the first two garments he grabbed out of his top drawer (jeans and shirt with the top three buttons missing). "I'm going."

"What about breakfast?" Inui called after him.

"I don't trust you, you haven't cooked anything edible in years." With that, Tezuka headed out the door.

"I'm honored." Inui smirked


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Once again, not mine

Notes: First and foremost, sankyuu for the reviews, they made my day! Um, secondly, I know I make Tezuka talk too much, but it's needed for the story so bear with me. And this is my first time actually posting a fic so be gentle.

-x-

The apartment was empty when Tezuka returned from class, Inui was probably in class or in the library. It did not concern him.

There was a note stuck on the stove, why the stove?

_Tezuka, we ran out of milk, you need to go buy some, there's a 98.47 percent chance that you don't want to but go do it anyway. –Inui. P.S. water your tulips; I put them on the coffee table. They need watering every 4 hours; I looked it up at the library._

Inui was right; he didn't want to go buy milk. Tezuka never drank milk anyway. Inui was a health nut. Tezuka believed in nutrition, his meals were balanced enough, but sometimes, Inui went over the edge.

The tulips were sitting in a glass vase on the coffee table, he'd never seen that vase before, maybe his friend had picked it up during some junk sales. Having nothing else to do, Tezuka dutifully watered the tulips. He wondered whom they were from.

The small piano sat beside the couch, it had been a present from his piano teacher when he graduated from high school. Tezuka hardly practiced at home now, for two main reasons, one; the other people living in the lower floors complained that it was too loud, even if he did play with the silencer pedal down. Two, the campus music lab offered better pianos and no one complained.

But now, he sat down and ran a hand over the wood, covered in three layers of dust. He played a one handed scale; three of the keys were broken, and most of the keys were out of tune.

The phone rang: _Hello, you've reached the Tezuka/Inui residence; we are currently unable to answer your call, leave a message._

Tezuka reached for the receiver, "Yes?"

"It's Inui, I'm at the florist's."

"Where?"

"It's about those tulips."

"They're just tulips, not some scientific experiment gone wrong, why are you so interested?" Tezuka had half a mind to hang up, it was just like Inui to conduct a thorough investigation involving yellow tulips, "It's not like they're made out of nuclear material or something."

"I got curious."

Tezuka hung up.

The phone beeped again, this time, he did not bother picking it up.

Hello, you've reached the Inui/Tezuka residence, we are currently unable to answer your call, leave a message.

The message receiver beeped, "Hello, Tezuka, this is Kajimoto Takahisa from your communications class, sorry to bother you but I—"

"Yes?" The phone seemed extremely busy today.

"I seem to have misplaced the guidelines for that one project due next Wednesday, do you have it?"

"I'll email it to you."

"Thanks, uh, well, I'll see you in class." Click. Apparently, Kajimoto wasn't very smooth with words either.

Tezuka sighed and switched on the computer.

His email held two unread messages, both were from his mother, apologizing that she wouldn't be able to make it to his concerts, but insisted that he had to come home for winter break, as everyone was eager to see him.

Winter break…Tezuka glanced at the oversized calendar hanging directly above the computer, scrawled with notices beyond recognition, two months away, it could wait. She also wished him a happy birthday tomorrow.

It was his birthday? That was quick.

He needed some space, which was why he chose to attend Kyoto University, a good day's from home. Not that his parents were restraining his freedom, but, rather, because it was way too painful to walk past Seishun Gakuen each day and thinking of the face.

-x-

Tezuka stared blankly at the tennis courts, though not seeing it. There may have been someone calling his name, but if so, he did not notice. He weighed his racket in his left hand and cringed slightly.

_A hand stopped him. "You've used that racket for ages, are you really going to get rid of it?"_

_The laconic buchou sank down by the wired fence, still holding the racket loosely, "It's my racket, I can do anything I want with it." He put it down, "I have no use for it. My father has already brought me a piano."_

"_You're really going to quit?"_

"_It's not like I have a choice." Tezuka scooted over to make room for the other boy, who took the sign as an invitation to sit._

"_Ah, well, you still have two months until graduation. Isn't that a good thing?"_

"_I wish it was over already." Tezuka sighed._

"_Why?" _

_He wondered why the most innocent question could cause so much pain, Tezuka stared at the eager face next to him, how could the face be so eager to obtain agony? He wished he had the strength to do that. "It doesn't concern you."_

"_Ne, don't be so cold." The other's head rested lightly on his shoulder, looking up at him. "What happened to the caring silent Tezuka?"_

_Caring? As far back as could remember, caring had never been a word describing him, cold was a word much more often used, and the fact that the two terms had been reversed bothered him. "I wasn't aware that I gave that impression."_

"_Oh, you are," soft hands rubbed his arm, "At least to me...ne, are you blushing?"_

_As much as Tezuka hated to admit it, he liked having the hand there. "Don't you have to go home?"_

"_No."_

"_Stay a while."_

_A faint smile emerged. "I plan to."_

_They fell into the habit of doing this, everyday after practice, when the freshmen had cleaned up the courts, they would sit there, just the two of them, in silence._

"_You're still cold…"_

"You fell asleep again?"

Tezuka sat up suddenly; he realized he had been using the couch armrest as a pillow, clutching a rag. "You're back so soon?"

"Soon?" Inui looked up at the clock, "It's five thirty. What have you been doing?"

"It is?" Tezuka hated sounding so clueless. Moreover, he was not enthusiastic to explain that he had, well; even Tezuka himself wasn't exactly sure what he had been doing, for example, why was he holding a rag full of dust? "Did you bring anything back for dinner?"

"Ramen." Inui indicated the two Styrofoam bowls and wooden chopsticks sitting on the coffee table beside the vase of tulips, "The smaller one's yours."

"Thank you, what were you going to say earlier?" Tezuka asked in what he hoped was a casual tone as he washed out the rag at the kitchen sink, "About the tulips?"

"Oh, the tulips…I asked the clerk who ordered them." Inui said with his mouth full. "He said no one in the past three days ordered yellow tulips."

"So they're probably homegrown." Tezuka replied with no expression whatsoever as he ripped open a packet of soy sauce and emptied half into his bowl. "I can't see why you're so interested. They weren't sent to you."

"That's what makes it so interesting." A strange light glinted passed Inui's glasses, making him look oddly sinister. "Who would send you a bouquet of yellow tulips, homegrown, without leaving a note or anything?" he paused, as if he was in deep thought, "I mean, if it was an obsessed fan or something, they would definitely leave a note."

At the mention of fans, Tezuka shuddered, and spilled tea on his shirt, he was never very good at dealing with fans.

"Which reminds me, your birthday's tomorrow. Here." Inui shoved a crudely wrapped rectangle-shaped thing at him. "Sorry about the wrapping, I was experimenting. Happy Birthday."

One could experiment with wrapping? That was truly a new one. "Oh, thanks."

Tezuka took his time in unwrapping, not that he could've ripped it off in the first place, the package was so weighed down with tape that he had to get up and fetch scissors from the kitchen.

"What's this?" Tezuka ended up holding a book about half the size of a textbook. There was nothing on the cover. Yet the covers were sealed in plastic.

"Open it."

Tezuka opened it, and immediately slammed it shut. He felt slightly sick as he set the book down on the coffee table, instantly losing what little appetite he had in the first place, "Did you do that on purpose?"

"It's for you when you're ready." Inui offered, by the way of explanation, nonchalantly taking a sip of tea (or was it tea? In his experience, there was no blue drinkable liquid known as tea).

Obviously, he wasn't ready. Tezuka stood up handling the book with the tip of his fingers, as if he was afraid that it would explode into smithereens any minute, "Thank you. I think I will go to bed early. Good night."

-x-

Tezuka did not lie, or, rather to put it more correctly, Tezuka did not lie unless he had a legitimate reason to, this; going to bed seemed to him a good enough reason. He did not want to sleep; he needed the time alone to think.

"I don't like this." As an affirmation, he spoke aloud, even though Inui could be eavesdropping outside the door. As much as his roommate enjoyed collecting data to torture certain people, he would never stoop that low, or so Tezuka hoped. "I don't like this at all."

He turned the book over three times in his hands, but Tezuka did not open it again, it would cause too much…

What? It shouldn't bother him, as he was deprived of those memories.

Tezuka put the book on top of his dresser. He could feel a major headache coming; maybe he could manage to fall asleep before it overtook him. With his luck, it wouldn't be possible. He closed the shades and turned off the lights.

Though it seemed to be hours before he got to sleep. The darkness that infested his room that night was a strange one; perhaps that was why the face did not choose to haunt him, at least for tonight. For that much, he was thankful. It was simpler that way.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Tennis no Ohjisama. Though like everyone else on the planet, I wish I did, my, this is such a pointless disclaimer.

Notes: Yay! Chappie three done! I'm so happy, sankyuu for all the good reviews! And now, the face will be revealed! (gosh that sounded corny, but what the heck.) Probably half of you probably know who it is by now.

-x-

The next day was a Saturday, his birthday. Yet Tezuka still woke earlier than usual. He pulled open the shades and was greeted by a gray sky that almost matched his mood. When the light drops of rain started to drizzle, he closed the curtains again.

At least he had no classes to rush off to today, and he wasn't due in the music laboratories for rehearsals until five o' clock, so he could afford to be a little lazy, even though such a careless characteristic didn't fit him at all.

He closed the door and headed to the kitchen. Inui was already standing at the counter, slicing something that looked suspicious. "What are you making?"

"Breakfast." Inui replied nonchalantly as he proceeded to dump the tidbits into a simmering pot. "It's not poison, don't worry, I outgrew that phase a long time ago."

Tezuka sank down on a chair, "I'm not sure if I should be horrified."

"Don't worry." Inui began ladling the thick grayish stuff into a bowl, "In honor of your birthday, I'm very positive that the stuff in the pot is edible, I tested it." He licked his lips.

"Now I'm officially worried." Tezuka picked up the morning newspaper, flipping it to the classified section, "The more you tell me not to worry, the more I tend to be convinced otherwise, you should really get a job."

"I intend to. Breakfast is ready." Inui said.

"When? In thirty years?" his mood was slowly, but surely going down the hill, "If you anger me, you're paying next month's rent." Tezuka abandoned the newspaper and turned his attention to the bowl of something in front of him. He stirred it uneasily with a spoon. "Really, don't lie to me, Inui, what is this? It's my birthday, I have a right to know."

"It's porridge." The taller boy sat down across from him and opened a familiar looking green-and-black notebook, putting it beside his own bowl, "Nothing harmful."he took a bite.

"So you say…isn't that your data book from junior high?" Tezuka continually stirred his 'porridge', looking for a reason to keep from eating, "What data is there to gather about me eating breakfast?"

"You'll see." Inui twirled his pen aimlessly. "Tezuka, are you sick? You're not eating."

That was the final straw in convincing Tezuka that there was something hidden in that porridge that was unusual, if not lethal for most humans, he pushed the bowl away and picked up the newspaper again, "There's an ad for my concert again."

"Somehow, I don't think you're very pleased with that fact, why? If more people show up, your profit's going to be larger than last time." Damn, obviously, Tezuka was too careful to eat the porridge; there really wasn't anything _that_ lethal in there…

"I don't like playing." Tezuka stood up. "I never liked playing."

"Am I allowed to ask why?" Inui asked, even though the answer would be no, 100 percent. But he just had to ask and he could guess the reason.

"No." Tezuka retrieved his jacket from the closet, "Thanks for breakfast, I'm going for a walk."

"Is it because you're better at tennis?"

He paused and cringed, even though he almost succeeded in stopping the cringe in mid action, "I quit tennis."

Inui smirked, "Even behind that face of yours, I can tell, you haven't quit, at least not mentally, isn't that right, Tezuka?"

"Shut up." Tezuka's façade of usual calm was disturbed just a bit, but he gained it back with no trouble, "I'm not going to be back for lunch."

"Are you meeting someone?"

"You ask too many questions." Tezuka closed the door.

-x-

Tezuka walked into the nearest coffee shop and ordered a small cup of cappuccino, taking a seat near the back window. When the waitress delivered his coffee to him, she instantly recognized who he was and practically begged to pick up his tab in order to get his autograph. He nodded and scrawled his name on a napkin, because he knew she would never leave him alone until he did.

But after a few minutes, it became apparent that he wouldn't find any peace in that coffee shop, because the waitress immediately ran back to the kitchens and alerted everyone that the great and famous Tezuka Kunimitsu, former tennis player and famous pianist was sitting in the back table of their coffee shop and within a measly thirty seconds, he was completely surrounded.

"Tezuka-kun!"

"Tezuka-kun!"

Just like the old times. Tezuka, to put it bluntly, hated attention.

-x-

In short, after grabbing a sandwich at the campus cafeteria, Tezuka showed up in the music laboratory before appointment, and he had to argue with the security guard for approximately fifteen minutes before he could be granted admission. Evidently, the guard had been smoking something.

He sat down at the piano bench and lifted the lid. The logo of Yamaha was engraved delicately in gold threadlike letters about three inches above the music rack. He poised his hands on the keys.

He barely brushed his fingers by the first chords, perfectly in tune. Unlike the antique keyboard he kept in the living room for show, like other things. One note seemed to lead to another, stringing a path that allowed him to escape from the crutches of reality. This was the only reason that he kept playing.

Tezuka stopped abruptly, when the door behind him clicked open, "Don't do that, Kitano-san, knock when you come in." he said without turning. "Why are you here this early?"

The voice that answered was much too familiar, but it was not Kitano-san, "You play beautifully."

He knew who was going to see, the face…though whether he was ready enough to see him face to face, Tezuka didn't know. "Has it been a long time?" he asked, desperately hoping his voice was under control.

"I think it has." The voice was strangely more enticing than what he could recall. "Did you miss me?"

Silken fingers traced his neck; making his skin prickle, though it was not an unpleasant feeling, "Please…stop that."

What, this?" the fingers stopped, leaving a tingling sensation. "You don't like it?"

"No…it's distracting." Tezuka took his hands off the keys, "You're disturbing my practice, if you're done, please leave."

"Tezuka…you've changed." The voice, to an untrained ear, bore no emotion at all, but his ear was trained above all others. "I'm not sure if I like this Tezuka."

"Your point being what?"

"I don't like you like this at all."

"You're not the center of my universe." Tezuka spat out the words as if they were poisoned, maybe if the face had come for him sooner, he would not have…changed so much. "Can you leave now?" he glanced at his watch, 4:25; his manager would not be due until forty-five minutes after. The whole room seemed suffocated with this once well-known presence.

"…Why won't you look at me, Tezuka?"

"I know what you look like…" Tezuka wished the person standing behind would either just leave or disappear altogether.

"Can you do me the courtesy of looking at me when you speak?"

He chose to overlook the comment entirely and began stuffing random papers into his shoulder bag.

"Ne, Tezuka, isn't that your tennis bag?"

He cringed, and dropped the bag with a thud. Yes, it was his tennis bag, but since the Seigaku logo had unraveled long before, he supposed it would be all right to use it, and no one had recognized it yet, including Inui. "Why are you…"

"What?" so innocent, as always.

"Stop…" Suddenly, he was on his knees, breathing heavily for no reason at all, then he felt a hand pressing on his shoulders. "That was a long time ago, it ended, it end—"

"No." the other boy laid a finger on his lips, cutting off the last word, "Don't lie, Tezuka."

"…Who are you?" Tezuka finally summoned enough strength to gasp out.

"You don't remember? Tezuka, you can always forget things you want to forget, how come you still remember this?" Hands neither hot or cold cupped his face, kissing him gently on the forehead, "My name is Fuji, Fuji Syusuke, do you remember now? I think you will."

Then he was gone.

Fuji, Fuji Syusuke, the beautiful nameless face had a name now. It was no longer a nightmare, it was a reality.

"Damn."

-x-

A/N: Yes, I'm a proud Tezuka/Fuji freak, so help me god.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Tennis no Ohjisama. Imagine the havoc if I did. I only own Tezuka's manager, Kitano, and he only comes in in this chapter

Notes: I'm sorry for the long wait, I was busy, and I kind of hit writer's block over these two weeks.

-x-

Tezuka did not know how long he sat there, with his head crushed against the ivory keys, emitting a broken chord. It could have been seconds, minutes, or even hours, if he slept during that unnamable period of time, he didn't recall. All he wanted to do was either melt onto the ground, or fade into nothingness.

"_Did you miss me?"_ the childlike question could all too easily be translated into something that was not innocent at all, _"Do you love me?"_

Maybe he had, at one time, loved Fuji Syusuke, but that was then, and this was now. Back then; he was Tezuka, the nation-level tennis player, and the stoic captain of Seigaku, whose complements were as rare and as precious as gold.

Now, he wasn't sure what he was, one might say that he was Tezuka, the rising piano prodigy, whose reputation was slowly spreading through Kyoto like a…virus.

A virus. He had never thought of it that way, but it was true, partially, if one cared to look at the situation negatively enough.

"Tezuka…san?" a voice sounded from behind.

"Yes?" Tezuka whirled around, lest it be another surprise, but this time, he saw what he was expecting, "Oh…Kitano-san, you're late."

"Traffic was heavy." His manager replied tonelessly. Kitano was a man in his late twenties; he was probably almost as serious as Tezuka, which was saying a lot. "What are you doing?"

"Practicing, or at least trying to." Tezuka posed his fingers on the piano again, "It hasn't been a good day." And today was supposedly his birthday.

"Oh." It seemed to be an unspoken agreement between them not to discuss the more personal points of life, in fact, Tezuka did not find out that Kitano's first name was Harusuke until fairly recently, "By the way, have you seen the program for tonight?" Kitano thrust a piece of paper at him.

"No." Tezuka replied matter-of-factly as he scanned the note, "Were you the one who changed the encore piece? I don't like playing Liebstraum."

Kitano raised an eyebrow, "But it's one of your best pieces."

"Change it."

"Into?"

"Just change it." Tezuka laid the paper down beside him on the piano bench and began to play again, "I don't care what, just change it."

"Very well." A thick file folder practically materialized out of nowhere in Kitano's lap, he began leafing slowly through its contents, "What are you playing now?"

"…Moonlight Sonata."

"Do you want to play that then?"

"Fine."

His manager got to his feet, "With that being settled, I'll leave."

Why couldn't Fuji reply like that? A normal person, but what was he saying? Fuji wasn't normal. "See you."

-x-

Tezuka should've known that something was terribly wrong when he spotted two other cars parked outside the apartment driveway. If he knew, he wouldn't have gone home, even if someone offered him a million yen.

The apartment wasn't particularly big; it had two bedrooms, a study, a kitchen, and a medium-sized living room, furnished with a couch and an armchair. The only thing unique about the whole structure was that there was a long hallway leading to the living room from the front door.

So it was only natural to assume that Tezuka didn't have any clue of what was about to happen. He took of his shoes, and paused at the sight of four other pairs of shoes beside Inui's loafers. It was probably a study session or something. Inui was always doing that without warning.

"Hoi! Tezuka!"

Tezuka barely had time to glance up as a person virtually slammed him against the coat closet door, "What the…"

"Eiji, don't do that." Another voice scolded, "Say sorry to Tezuka."

"Uh…uh…guys, I think we should give him some room to breath."

"Mada mada dane."

Tezuka peeled himself away from the door and stared at the scene in front of him, even though his face was still perfectly expressionless, he wanted to scream.

What the hell happened to his living room?

The room was strewed with green and blue crepe paper, and three packages were piled upon the coffee table, and lastly, a banner made out of what looked like old bedsheets was taped from one side of the room to the other, bearing the words in block capitals: Happy Birthday Tezuka.

He swallowed hard and stared some more.

"So, do you like it?"

Tezuka whirled around to face Inui, "You're paying the rent." He snapped, "Is this your idea of fun?"

Inui shrugged nonchalantly, as if none of this was his doing, "Kikumaru and Oishi live in the east dorm, I've known for quite some time, you know, and Kawamura just happened to be in Kyoto visiting his cousins. Echizen had a tennis tournament—"

At the mention of the word _tennis_, Tezuka winced, "What about…"

But whatever he had set out to ask never had a chance to leave his mouth, because Inui innocently held up two fingers and everyone in the room burst into a very out of tune chorus of "Happy Birthday".

If he had not taken up piano, Tezuka would not have minded the song so much, but it was just that everyone, well, almost everyone was out of tune, and since his ear was much more sensitive than before, it hurt.

The song had barely started for three seconds and already his eardrums were starting to bleed. He mumbled a quick excuse and ducked into the bathroom.

Behind the safely locked door, he could think. Tezuka had never been the type to give in to panic, and he certainly was not going to start now, but this…this was a bit much.

Someone pounded on the door, "Nya, Tezuka, I know you're not really using the bathroom, come on!"

"Eiji, don't force him."

Tezuka sighed and unlocked the door. "Look—" he started, he wanted to tell them, that he was NOT Tezuka-buchou, not a tennis player, and most of all, if it happened to come up, he was definitely not in love with Fuji Syusuke.

Once again, he never finished. They dragged him into the living room and sat him down on the couch. "Open your presents, Tezuka!" one of them said excitedly, Oishi, he thought it was.

Tezuka prayed for a miracle.

It happened. The phone rang, he snatched it up with unnatural quickness, "Hello?"

"Tezuka, this is Kajimoto."

"Yes?" _ask to see me, I don't care, just get me out of here_, that was the atypical thought that flashed across his mind. Breathing was becoming an ordeal.

"About the project, uh, I just realized that Professor Hijitaka wanted us to work in pairs, it said so on the rubric in the introductory paragraph, I was wondering if you—"

"Let's meet at the library."

"Now?"

"Yes, now."

Kajimoto never figured out why Tezuka was so eager to meet him that day in the library for a very boring project, on top of that, Tezuka even treated him to coffee afterwards. Not that he was complaining, it was really expensive coffee, but it was strange.

-x-

Save Inui, the place was empty when Tezuka came back to prepare for the concert, the others had gone, thank goodness. The gifts still unopened lay on one corner of the coffee table beside the tulips.

"You know, Tezuka, knowing them, they'll be back." Inui remarked offhandedly, absorbed in his biology textbook, "But I was kind of surprised that Fuji didn't show up, I did leave a message at his house."

Tezuka nearly dropped the pile of music he was holding. "Inui, did you tell them?"

Inui looked mildly surprised, "Tell them what?"

"Why I stopped."

"I can't tell them what I don't know. I'm not a creative person." Inui replied evenly, flipping a page, "You just stopped, you didn't tell anyone. Why did you stop? No, really, you didn't stop in the freshman year when the doctor told you to."

Tezuka pulled on his suit jacket, "I can't get careless."

Inui knew Tezuka long enough to know that it meant _"I can't tell you, not yet."_ He could have pushed it, but for some reason, he chose not to. There was a 78.8 percent chance that the answer would come soon. He was a patient person, especially if the reward was good data.

-x-

"Tezuka-san, these are for you." The usher gestured to a fresh bouquet of yellow tulips on the table when he came in for intermission. "A young man brought them."

This time, there was a note, written in delicate cursive, a feminine hand that could only belong to one person.

Tezuka had a sudden urge to crumple the paper up, but his eyes did not obey. It read:

_Tezuka, you were better at tennis. Happy Birthday.–Fuji_

-x-

A/N: Um, this chapter was hard to write, so please humor me


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Tennis no Ohjisama, or else…heh,

Notes: Wow, every chapter's getting harder and harder, this was originally supposed to be a 6-part fic, but now I guess not, well whatever, on with chapter 5…I hate this chapter, but hey, as the authoress, I hate every chapter…

-x-

nui was curled up on his favorite part of the couch flipping through his biology textbook when Tezuka came in the living room, "Did it go well?" he asked without looking up.

"Hn." Was all Tezuka chose to offer as he placed the new bundle of tulips beside the vase and shrugged off his suit coat, "It could've been worse."

"Again?" Inui spotted the tulips and finally put down the book long enough to spot the yellowish piece of paper stuck between the stems of the flowers, "What's that?"

Immediately, Tezuka realized his mistake, "Give me that." His fingers grasped the square mere seconds before Inui could react. He shoved it deep inside his pocket.

If his roommate thought his abruptness strange, Inui did nothing more to pursue the topic, instead, he handily changed the subject, "Kajimoto called a few minutes ago."

Tezuka nodded and waited for more.

"He says thanks for the coffee and wants to know when he can meet with you for the 'second phase', of the project, in his words." Inui's mouth managed a small twitch that could have been easily mistaken for a smirk. "By the way, do you like Kajimoto?"

Tezuka very nearly choked. "I do not like Kajimoto."He countered tightly.Though he didn't have any idea why he answered. It was not like Inui would believe his words alone. To make an assumption like that, Inui must have gathered substantial evidence. He wanted to know what…and more importantly, how he got that data.

"Firstly," Inui held up his pointer finger. "You ditched them for him."

_Them. _"Ditched?" Tezuka repeated the unfamiliar phrase, given his everyday vocabulary, it was not a term he used often, because it was a bit too informal for his tastes. "I did not—" he declined the word a second time, "—leave them without reason, he needed to see me for the project."

"So…meeting for a communications project required drinking French cappuccino?" Even Inui found that piece of accidental gossip, ahem, he meant extremely valuable data almost too ridiculous to believe, "Honestly, Tezuka, drinking expensive coffee doesn't match your current personality." (the reason it was labeled 'extremely valuable data' was solely because it concerned Tezuka's social life, if he even had one)

"I wasn't aware you sank to stalking." Tezuka's nonexistent temper was starting to flare, but he kept it under control as best as he could, "What I do and who I spend my spare to with have nothing to do with you."

"Are you mad?"

"No."

"You're a bad liar, Tezuka."

"Fine." Unlike most people, when Tezuka was sufficiently angry, he did not turn red, nor did he yell his head off, instead, his pale complexion turned ashen and his voice faded into barely a whisper, "So what, all right, I'm angry, you've seen me angry, and you seem to enjoy seeing me like this, just like…"

"Who, Tezuka? Who do I sound like?"

"You…you sound like Fuji." With that, Tezuka left the room; he was starting to feel lightheaded. Maybe he should consider getting his own apartment.

-x-

"Nya, Oishi, I don't like the new Tezuka." Kikumaru stretched out on the recliner, "He's really serious."

"Name one time when Tezuka's not serious." Oishi laughed, but it was a dry laugh, with none of his usual warmth, "He's always been serious, there's nothing wrong with that."

"Nya, then what's _wrong_ with him, Oishi?" Kikumaru whined in the perfect imitation of a five-year-old not getting his way, writhing around in the cushions, trying to get comfortable, "He's acting weird."

Oishi sighed, it was hard to believe that his roommate was almost nineteen years old, "I don't know, Eiji."

"Ne, Kikumaru-senpai, isn't that where I'm suppose to sleep?" Echizen spoke at last, slamming his empty Ponta can onto the table. "People change with time, you know, and Tezuka-buchou is human…" hesitantly added, "I think."

"Nya, gomen ochibi." Kikumaru promptly hopped off the recliner, "Don't you think you should go to sleep now? You do have a match tomorrow, right?"

"Mada mada dane." Echizen suppressed a yawn, "That Hyoshi kid is no match for me, I can beat him blindfolded. Trust me, I've tried already."

"Oh, well." Oishi dimmed the lights, "It's getting late, after all, just go to sleep, I wake up early, so don't be alarmed."

"Mada mada, Kikumaru-senpai snores so loud I won't even notice." Echizen snuggled deeper into the covers.

"Ochibi, that's so disrespectful, nya!"

"Oyasumi, senpai. Turn off the lights when you feel like it. And I have to return Inui-senpai's book, so one of you will have to drive me over there sometime." A light snore told the two of them that Echizen was sound asleep.

"Che, that Ochibi, he never changes."

"That's a good thing though."

-x-

The tension of the night before was not to be forgotten soon, Tezuka knew that. After he finished his morning shower, he found Inui rummaging through the coat closet for new shoelaces. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to the library." Inui gestured to his backpack stiffly, "I want to beat the morning rush, you know."

"There's no 'morning rush' on a Sunday." Tezuka reminded him instinctively, yet he sensed that Inui was so eager to get away that he was willing to conjure a weak excuse, normally, his roommate would be much more creative than this. "But go, wherever you have to."

"I lent Echizen a book on advanced tennis techniques yesterday, so please, don't go anywhere."

"Fine, I won't." Tezuka never fared very well taking orders from someone else, he was used to giving orders, and having them obeyed, "Be back before two-thirty, I'm meeting Kajimoto."

"All right." the door closed.

Tezuka sank into the couch. The slumber of the night before had not been fitful at all. He had not dreamed, yet he had woken up several times in the night, due to a pain in his shoulder. He had not felt this kind of pain for a long time.

Being alone had never troubled him, in fact, Tezuka rather liked it, there was no one to anger him, no one to trouble him, and of course, no one to talk his ear off like some people he had the misfortune to meet. But this silence, much like that one night, worried him.

The doorbell rang three times in a row. And then knocks, "Hoi, hoi, Tezuka! It's us, open the door, please!"

Tezuka unlatched the lock, and immediately stepped aside, fearing another surprise attack, "Well, you're here early, does returning a book really require the presence of three people?"

"Geez, buchou, you always have to sound like a thirty-year-old professor. Mada mada dane." Echizen shoved a thick plastic-covered book into his hands, "Here's Inui-senpai's book, now can we go? I'm going to be late for my match."

"Eiji, go ahead and take Echizen to his match." Oishi fumbled for the keys and tossed them to the redhead, "I have something to say to Tezuka."

Eiji being Eiji, he shrugged and caught the keys, "Nya, let's go, Ochibi! If you don't win 6-0, you're cooking!"

"Mada mada dane."

The door locked automatically behind them. Tezuka glared at his former friend and teammate, "Don't tell me how I've changed, I've heard it enough times."

Oishi opened and closed his mouth simultaneously, he thought for a minute, then said, "But you have."

"Would you like something to drink?" Tezuka shifted subjects so rapidly, that it was actually kind of alarming.

"Eh, no thanks." Oishi blinked, "I just want to know one thing, though, will you answer?"

"Depends." Tezuka said quietly.

"What happened in the hospital?"

"What do you mean what happened in the hospital?" Tezuka stared at the other boy, voicing confusion.

"When you went in the hospital, you were Tezuka-buchou, when you came out, you were…" Oishi trailed off, "You were…"

"Someone else." Tezuka finished tonelessly.

"Yeah…" Oishi did not meet his gaze, "Can a car accident really change a person that much?"

"It's all one-sided. What you know." Tezuka snapped.

"Then why don't you tell me?"

"Because it's ridiculous." The ex-captain of Seishun Gakuen stood up, "You won't believe it, even I don't believe it, sometimes."

That wasn't a satisfactory answer, but knowing Tezuka, or what was left of Tezuka, at this point, Oishi could see that getting anymore information was not a smart idea, "I'll be going now, then."


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Tennis no Ohjisama. (We established that in chapter 1, obviously.)

Notes:Wee! Chapter 6 already!Erm, I have a feeling I'm going to get killed for this chapter…but hey, read it anyway. And I promise it will be a happy ending so…yeah, whatever.

-x-

Tezuka stretched out a hand, as if by that alone he could hold Oishi in place and yell at him an explanation so absurd that only drunkards could believe. After several collective breaths, he managed the name, "Oishi."

His friend paused, one hand poised around the brass doorknob, "Yes?"

"You…" it seemed that Tezuka's legs would no longer support him, he was forced to grabbed the armrest for support, "Why do you want to know? What makes your so-called perfect buchou fall on his knees like the coward that he is? Am I really that good of a liar, Oishi? I'm running away, away when I always smile and tell you that, yes, everything is all right…"

From what he could remember, Tezuka never smiled, but Oishi didn't think it was the right time to bring it up. Needless to say, the former vice-captain was shocked. Oishi had never even heard his superior (in Seigaku, at least) string together three coherent sentences in one breath before…now this was…there was only one word for it, overwhelming. "Um…Tezuka."

"I'm really an idiot aren't I? Just say so, you're not the first."

Oishi cringed. Even the voice was starting to change. The usually monotonous drone rose to almost an uncharacteristically sharp, bitter quality that grated his ears, "No." he finally had to guts to say, "You're not an idiot."

Tezuka didn't know anything more at all.

-x-

His clothes were probably drenched in cold sweat, judging from the fact that his shirt was wet and since his feet hung off the edge of whatever he was lying on, he guessed he was on the couch. Floating somewhere above him were voices, two of them.

The first belonged to Oishi, soft, urgent, "I don't know what happened, he just passed out."

The second voice was Inui's, calm, businesslike as always, "I think it's just the flu, Tezuka's been complaining of headaches all week."

"Oh, I see…" Oishi was hesitant in his reply, "Well, uh, I guess that wasn't a good time to ask him about that then."

"Ask him about what?" Inui's hand trailed over his forehead. Tezuka was sure it was Inui's hand because his roommate's fingers were hardened from writing data…and tennis, but that didn't count. Oishi played tennis too.

Tezuka kept his eyes closed, he had a feeling he wasn't suppose to take part in this conversation anyway.

"Some…um, stuff that happened, before he…" again, Oishi couldn't quite bring himself to say the word.

"Changed." Inui supplied indifferently, moving his hand away from Tezuka's forehead. "Everyone wants to know, and of course he tells no one. That's one part of Tezuka that hasn't disappeared yet. I can swear that."

"How much do you know?" Oishi asked.

"About the same as everyone else." Inui sounded disappointed.

"If you two are going to talk me over, don't do it two inches from my face." Tezuka finally spoke, he struggled to sit up, but Oishi instinctively held him down.

"Don't move, you're sick." Good, at least Tezuka's voice was back to normal, Oishi relaxed.

"I'm not sick." He protested faintly, "I'm just not feeling very well, that's all."

"That's the definition of 'sick', at least 89.3 percent of it." Guess who said that?

"Be quiet, Inui. What time is it?" Tezuka glanced around, looking for a clock, then he realized his vision was blurred and quickly added, "Where'd you put my glasses?"

"I have them." Oishi removed his glasses from his pocket, "It is 2:25."

"Give them to me." Tezuka snatched the glasses and eased off the couch, "Why didn't you wake me sooner?"

"You were unconscious." Inui corrected. "I could have fed you my latest concoction to sting you back to your senses, but then you'd probably make me pay the rent."

"You are paying the rent, we went over that yesterday." Tezuka grabbed his bag, which had magically materialized on the ground. "I'll be going now."

"To where?"

"Please do not stalk me. It's for school." The warning was futile, he knew that.

-x-

Kajimoto was waiting at their usual table with three books on modern communication, and a thick file folder. He was also drinking something, most likely coffee, the library did not allow food or drink, but the librarian was too old to walk around to interrogate people, so who cared? "Tezuka." He raised a hand in greeting, and then stopped, "You look pale."

"I'm always pale." Tezuka offered by the way of explanation, "I'm sorry I'm late."

"Oh." Kajimoto seemed to accept that. "Okay, I found these books to be pretty useful, you should look over them."

"I will, what are you doing now?" Tezuka picked up the first volume and leafed through it, it was about 700 pages long.

"The bibliography." His friend showed him a hastily scribbled list on a piece of paper that was crumpled at the edges. "It's messy, I was just cleaning it up."

"Your pen looks like its running out of ink."

"It did, I'm using another one."

"Hn." Tezuka reached for the Styrofoam cup and took a sip. It was black coffee, a little too sugary for his tastes, though.

Kajimoto paused, "Are you thirsty? I could get you one."

"Not necessary." Tezuka turned the page and put the cup down. "Did you read all of this?" he asked, tapping the book cover.

"No, only chapters 36, 24, and 38, the other stuff we don't need."

"That's reasonable." Tezuka turned the page again.

The rest of the hour was spent in silence.

-x-

The huge clock situated in the middle of the library chimed four. Many students had complained that the chimes disrupted their concentration, but no serious action was actually taken.

Kajimoto's Styrofoam cup of coffee was now empty. Although he didn't remember drinking any of it since Tezuka's arrival. "Don't you think we should stop now?" he inquired to the air. When Tezuka was reading, he heard nothing. Even if he was reading a very, very boring, not to mention very long communications encyclopedia.

Tezuka answered, unexpectedly, "We should." He closed the book and pushed it aside.

An awkward stillness followed.

"Why did you treat me to coffee yesterday?" now, why did that pop out of his mouth? Kajimoto waited for a "Hn" or more silence.

"I was thirsty." Tezuka adjusted his glasses. "It was polite to let you have some."

"…Oh." That was the second unexpected answer to a perfectly random question; maybe Tezuka did possess some humane qualities after all. Kajimoto began shoving papers into his folder.

"You dropped your pen."

"Thanks."

More silence.

They were packed now, but neither made a move to leave, finally, Kajimoto ventured, "Do you want to eat something?"

"Hn."

Kajimoto took the indifferent monosyllable as a yes.

-x-

It wasn't a date. Tezuka told himself. It couldn't be, or else if Inui found out, he would never hear the end of it. It was simply two people eating something together, how complicated could that be?

In Inui's mind, probably quite complicated.

"Tezuka?" Kajimoto's voice brought him back to the present.

"Huh?" he hated sounding so uninformed, it did not fit him.

"Are you going to order?" the waitress had stopped at their table, which was thankfully in the corner of the café where it drew less attention.

"Coffee, black, and a chocolate pastry." Tezuka took a halfhearted glance at the menu.

"You…eat sweets?"

"Occasionally." Why did Kajimoto sound so surprised? The last time Tezuka checked, he ate perfectly normal foods like everyone else, unlike Fuji…

Fuji. He was always there, loitering in the shadows of his mind, not demanding attention but getting attention anyway.

Everyone loved him. He could live without Tezuka. Fuji was tensai, after all.

But what about Tezuka? Another voice simultaneously sprung up inside his head, could he live without Fuji?

He could. He did.

But did he want to? The nagging irrational part of him argued, did you really want it to end up this way?

No.

If there was a way to kill off the irrational part of his subconscious, Tezuka would have gladly done it. He didn't need these thoughts. At least not now, if he was somewhere else, maybe, but not here.

"Tezuka?"

He looked up. Kajimoto was offering him a napkin. He took it, staring at his friend's fingers "Thank you."

Staring was not something Tezuka usually permitted himself to do, his grandfather had always said it was rude. But Fuji never minded. Actually he liked Tezuka staring at him. He had told Tezuka so more than once.

"Is something wrong?"

Tezuka shook his head. "No, I'm tired, that's all." Those four last words weren't needed, but he felt compelled to say them nonetheless.

This wasn't Fuji sitting in front of him. This was Kajimoto. But Kajimoto's fingers were a lot like Fuji's.

Kajimoto stared at his own fingers. And then at Tezuka's, lying three inches away, he interlaced them carefully, "There."

This was…Tezuka picked up his coffee cup with his free hand and drank. This was all Inui's fault.

"Can I have some?"

Tezuka relinquished his cup. Kajimoto drank some, and then put it down again.

-x-

"You look happy." Inui ventured during dinner. "Fuji called, with apologies that he couldn't attend your birthday party yesterday, he said that he already gave you a present." The statement ended in a question mark.

"Hn…" Wait, Fuji called, Tezuka froze, still in midaction of unwrapping his chopsticks, "What?"

"Fuji called." Inui repeated evenly, "He wants to have dinner with you."

"...When?" Tezuka asked softly.

"Next Saturday, if you can make it." Inui smirked, "You can refuse, you know, Tezuka, you and Kajimoto make a good couple,"

Tezuka sighed. There was no use asking Inui how he knew, there wasn't much use of getting angry either.

"Are you going to call him? He did leave a number."

Tezuka and Fuji. For now, it was Tezuka and Kajimoto. "Hn." he wondered how much worse things could get.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Tennis no Ohjisama.

Notes: Yeah…I guess it is kinda getting confusing, but I still can't believe this evolved out of something with no plot whatsoever, so hopefully this clears things up, at least a little bit, anyway

-x-

Tezuka went to bed early that night; politely declining Inui's invitation to a game of Mahjong. He wasn't good at games, outside of athletics; however, poker seemed to be the exception. Besides, he had something more important to do.

He walked to his room and shut the door, here, within the calming familiarity of his own room, Tezuka could think. Thinking was something he'd neglected to do, since his perfectly arranged façade started breaking, quite plainly, because he did not have enough time.

This was time enough. He stared blankly at the ceiling and listening to the dull tick of the clock. It was hot that night so all of his blankets were pushed to one side of the bed.

The first image that came to mind was Fuji. It was hazy, as if the face was materialized out of vapor, but it was as he remembered it. The eyes were blue; in them was a childlike innocence that would probably never fade. But there was a vague sadness in them too, a pain much too grievous to decipher in words. He did not try, because Tezuka had always understood Fuji, though the pain was something he'd never grasped wholly.

He loved the sound of Fuji's laughter, the way he moved, in fact, everything about Fuji Tezuka loved...once. The other knew that, they had never needed words.

He let the memory fade. Then a second reflection came. This time it was Kajimoto, unlike Fuji's misty features, his were clear, piercing. This was expected, Kajimoto was much easier to comprehend on a rational level, in any case.

With Fuji, the word _rational_ had no meaning, nor the words _schedule_, or _planning_. Everything was done on impulse; in other words, Fuji did not stop to think about what kind of consequences his actions might conceive. The tensai simply trusted things to work out in their own time.

Tezuka was the exact opposite; he always wore a watch, and consulted a pocket calendar after every class. He planned everything carefully so that there were no unexpected complications to interrupt him. Once, after practice, someone had joked that Tezuka's life centered around the clock, like the old man of some novel they were reading for English class.

Tezuka didn't remember who it was that made the remark, but hopefully, that person got what he deserved. What's more, that description fitted Inui more so than him

Yet…even he couldn't control time, it was powerful, and not to be reckoned with. Time came with good things, and bad things.

Meeting Fuji Syusuke was a good thing, a very good thing. Having the accident was a bad thing, it all balanced out that way. It didn't seem fair.

These thoughts were suddenly tiring. Not only were his thoughts somehow tortured into long preambles, but also the topics of the thoughts were not reasonable and that made things worse.

Inui knocked twice and peeked in, "Are you asleep?"

It was pointless question, "I don't sleep sitting up."

"Aa, good, then you can answer the phone." His roommate shoved the telephone receiver into his hand. "It's him." Inui left.

Tezuka glared at the phone, as if it was at fault, he breathed deeply, then said, "Fuji, it's late."

"Saa," came Fuji's voice from the other end, "Is that how you treat an old friend, Kunimitsu? Not even a hello or anything?"

Only three people referred to Tezuka by his first name: his mother, father, and grandfather. So the name Kunimitsu had real no value to him. Although coming from Fuji's lips, the name was unexpectedly beautiful. "We aren't exactly friends."

"That's true." The other agreed serenely, "Then what are we, Kunimitsu, teammates? Lovers?"

The air was cold, Tezuka realized. He reached for a blanket, "Nothing. We were, that way, now, we aren't."

"Are you studying philosophy now, Kunimitsu?" there was a hint of amusement in Fuji's voice.

"That's not philosophy." Tezuka corrected, more than a bit irritated, "What do you want, Fuji? I'm going to sleep if there isn't anything else."

"Ne, so you are in bed." Fuji laughed lightly, like the melodic trickle of a fresh desert stream, "Can I join you?"

Tezuka was tempted to hang up the phone then, but he steeled himself and gritted out, "Stop playing around."

"…I'm not." The answer came with unanticipated seriousness. "Do you remember what you told me? When you were at the hospital?"

"That I never want to see you again?" Tezuka supplied, his temper floating just below the surface, barely controlled.

"Before that." The cold gravity in Fuji's tone was almost hypnotic, "You said that no one could ever see you suffer, and no one could ever understand what you were going through, except me. You also told me that you could see that I was suffering, and you could understand."

"You understand because you did. You did it." This conversation was no longer logical, in any way. They were talking about the past, a past both loved and hated. Tezuka felt exhausted. He sank down into the pillows.

"I need you. I need you so much, Kunimitsu, can't we just…start over again?" The reply held none of the flamboyant, yet tranquil self-assurance that Tezuka had known Fuji to have, the reply held only helplessness, "I'm sorry, you have no idea how sorry I am, I want…" there was a barely audible sniff. Fuji sounded like he was on the verge of tears, genuine tears.

Tezuka put the receiver down beside him. The soft sobs on the other end eventually diminished into ragged breathing. He said only, "Syusuke, it was precious." And hung up.

He brushed a hand lightly across his eyes while he rolled over to put the receiver on the bedside table. There were tears in them, although he bore too much dignity to let them fall.

-x-

A/N: Yes, I know it's a short chapter but I have writer's block and anything else I write here is really crappy.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Tennis no Oujisama does not belong to me…sigh.

Notes: Yay! Finally got over writer's block, but this chapter was kinda hurried, so any feedback would be welcome, somehow, the first chapter after writer's block is always the worst one of all…

-x-

_It was a foggy sort of day, the kind that you could never get voluntarily out of bed to face, especially if it was raining, and even more especially if you were warmly curled up in bed. Fuji smiled at the sleeping face beside him, "Kunimitsu." _

_Tezuka stirred and opened his eyes, "…Good morning." He managed to say after stifling a yawn, reaching for his glasses._

"_Ne, you know this is the first time I've actually seen you yawn?" Fuji pulled the blanket over his shoulders, "You look adorable."_

_Tezuka's attempt to glare at him merely resulted in an eye twitch. "You were snoring last night." _

"_Aa, I do that sometimes, sorry I didn't warn you." The tensai shrugged indifferently, "Did you sleep well?"_

"…_Hn." _

_Fuji had known Tezuka long and well enough to figure out that "Hn" usually meant yes, to anything he asked, at least"I'm glad." _

_They lapsed into silence, but it was a good silence, you could leave it alone without making it awkward. Only the splattering of rain outside could be heard. Fuji played with the silken folds of Tezuka's yukata. That was another thing; he didn't know that his buchou/boyfriend slept in a yukata to sleep. But then, it didn't really surprise him much._

_It was Tezuka who broke the silence, "Did you sleep well?"_

"…_You were warm." Was what Fuji chose to offer as a reply._

"_That's…good."_

"_Aa."_

_A knock on the door interrupted them, "Hoi, hoi, Fuji! Tezuka! What're you two doing in there? Everyone else is already at breakfast, nya!"_

_Fuji eased himself from the bed and unlatched the door, "Aa, gomen, Eiji, we, eh…"_

_The overly hyperactive acrobatics expert bounded into the room, "Ah ha!"_

"_Kikumaru?" Tezuka looked up from fiddling with some dials on his watch._

"_Everyone was wondering what you wore to bed, nya! Now the mystery is solved! Tezuka-buchou wears a yukata!" Kikumaru looked extremely pleased with himself._

"_What did they think Tezuka wore to sleep, Eiji?" Fuji looked amused, he was careful to refrain from calling Tezuka 'Kunimitsu' in the presence of other people. He knew Tezuka wouldn't approve._

"_Well, Inui guessed he didn't change at all, Oishi guessed he wore some kind of pajamas, and Momo guessed he wore underwear!" Kikumaru giggled to himself, "I can't believe Momo actually thought that…"_

_Fuji choked, but managed to contain himself, "Now, isn't that interesting?"_

"…_Twenty laps around the…" Tezuka appeared to be searching for a word; the hotel tennis courts required extra charge, "…Block. Thirty for Momoshiro."_

"_Hoi! Okay, then, I'll tell everyone that!" Kikumaru ran out of the room. "Poor Momo."_

"_Thirty?" Fuji closed the door and crawled back next to Tezuka under the covers, "Isn't that a little harsh? And it **is** around the block, you know, not the courts."_

_Tezuka brushed a light strand of hair away from his eyes, "For all I know, we're graduating and I won't have a chance to order laps for a while, so…" his lips twisted into a thin lopsided grin, one that only Fuji was allowed to see._

_Fuji slapped him playfully on the arm, "Naughty boy, Kunimitsu."_

"_We should go down to breakfast."_

That was one of the rare occasions that Fuji Syusuke actually enjoyed rain. The other times, he hated the way that the rain made everything wet and muddy. The former tensai of Seishun Gakuen leaned back on his elbows, listening to the soft drips of the raindrops. He licked his lips and tasted salt, but he couldn't tell whether it was rain, or tears.

"Aniki? What're you doing out here in the rain?" the patio lantern flickered and a lithe figure appeared next to him.

"Yuuta?" Fuji got hastily to his feet, "Is that you?"

"Of course it's me." Yuuta sounded irritated, "Who else would it be?"

"Aren't you supposed to meet with whathisname tonight?" Fuji asked, attempting to shift the subject.

"Mizuki-san's out of town, I told you that, you just weren't listening." Yuuta dismissed the question with a careless wave, "Stop avoiding the question, aniki."

He shrugged, careful to keep his face away from his younger brother. "I'm just…out here, no reason. The rain is refreshing."

Too late, "Aniki…" Yuuta's next words came out haltingly, "…were you…crying?"

"…No."

"Then why're your eyes all red?" Yuuta asked plaintively, then, probably against his better judgment, added in a rush, "Was it Tezuka-san?"

Fuji stiffened, "Why do you say that?" he had taken extra measures to hide from his younger brother, the finer points of his love life, not that Yuuta particularly cared, but…

"You once said," Yuuta took a deep breath and replied, "That he makes you happy." He looked down at his shoes, as if the answers were written there, "If he can make you happy, he can make you sad too, that's just how it is. You laugh more with him, anyhow."

-x-

Tezuka and Inui had somehow reached an unspoken understanding that the events of the night before (cough phone call cough) were not to be mentioned again. But Inui could not resist asking, "Ne, Tezuka, are you ever going to open your presents?"

Tezuka calmly reached for the Arts section of the morning newspaper, "You may open them, if you're so curious."

"Don't mind if I do, then." Inui picked up the first package, wrapped in plain blue wrapping paper, about the size of a pocket-sized dictionary. "This first one's from Kikumaru." A pause, filled by the rustling of tape and paper "He gave you a pin."

"A pin." Tezuka repeated, "Of what?"

"A smiley face on tennis ball," Inui answered readily as he opened the card, "And the card reads 'Tezuka, Happy Birthday, nya! You should smile more!'"

If the circumstances were otherwise, Tezuka might've found the message amusing, "…Hn." He turned back to the paper.

"Okay." Inui reached for the second gift, "I think this one's from Kawamura." The data specialist announced after a moment's thought. "He gave you a…" another pause, "Cookbook, titled Kyoto Delicacies."

"You should read it, and make something edible." Tezuka countered swiftly.

Inui still seemed unfazed as he tossed the cookbook aside, "Okay, now the next one's from Oishi, you got a three-paged letter, and a…calendar, it's got a different type of fish for every month."

"Aren't you going to read the letter?" His presents were certainly interesting; the regulars hadn't lost their touch, after all.

"I did." Inui adjusted his glasses, "It's your typical 'do you remember when…' letter. Given your current situation, you're probably going to skim it, and then throw it away, then sulk, 84 percent, according to my calculations. "

Tezuka twitched, "I don't sulk."

Inui ignored him completely, "Echizen gave you a cap with a 'T' on it, the card says 'happy birthday, buchou, mada mada dane.'"

He could think of no comment to that, so Tezuka tactfully changed the subject, "Don't you have class today?"

His roommate smirked, and countered the question smugly with his own, "Don't you have a _date_ with Kajimoto-kun today?"

If Tezuka was still the tennis captain of Seigaku, Inui had just earned himself no less than 200 laps around the courts for that comment, but, as he was not, Tezuka could only glare.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I'm tired, see previous chapters

Notes: Yay, another chapter done… it just occurred to me after reading the whole fic over that every character is drastically OOC, but hey, nobody's complained yet except my little sis. Sorry for the long wait, I had a high school violin audition coming up…

-x-

"Aniki went for a walk, Sae-san." Yuuta opened the door and dutifully informed his brother's current boyfriend off his brother's whereabouts, "He told me he'd be back in a half an hour or so."

"That's a pretty long walk, knowing Syusuke." Saeki Koujiroh arched a mildly curious eyebrow as he shrugged off his jacket, "Strange, I thought he had class, though." He sat down on the couch, reaching for the remote; but catching sight of the younger Fuji's expression, he put it down again, "Did something happen?"

"Well…" Yuuta glanced toward the phone, wondering how much he should tell about last night's episode, finally, he said, "Well…aniki called Tezuka-san yesterday. And, I don't think it went too well."

"I figured." Saeki gave an uncharacteristic sigh after a moment's pause, suddenly, he seemed much older than twenty, "I could never keep him for long."

Yuuta had never been the type to meddle in others' businesses, but when it concerned his aniki, even though he tried not to admit it, he was worried. "What happened?"

In answer, Saeki hauled himself off the couch and disappeared down the hallway into his aniki's room, only returning a moment later with an envelope in hand, "Read." He said simply.

The piece of paper inside was yellowed with age, slightly crumpled around the edges. Yuuta read:

_Keep this, for me, Syusuke, so you'll remember not the heartless monster you have caused me to become, but the captain that you loved, hated, tormented, and betrayed as a parting sentiment. On my part, I will treasure the prodigy who taught me to laugh, to suffer, and always, that he was truly happy with me. There will always be a part of me that thinks of you, longs for you, but that part is deep within myself, where no one will ever see again, except us. –Tezuka Kunimitsu_

Yuuta put down the letter, though he was unaware of it, he had paled to a light shade of green, "…What is this?" he managed to say.

"It's a letter." Saeki replied, obviously stating the obvious, "From Tezuka to Syusuke, when they broke up for the third, and probably final time."

"Third?"

Saeki reached for the letter and placed it carefully back into its original envelope, "I've always liked your brother, but unfortunately, I didn't tell him until the week before you guys moved to Tokyo. You were in sixth grade, Syusuke was in seventh. He didn't say anything, only a promise that we were going to keep in touch."

Yuuta nodded to indicate that he understood.

"He met Tezuka in the Seishun Gakuen tennis club. Syusuke described him as, 'a really, really old fashioned-ish sort of guy with no sense of humor whatsoever'. But despite what he said, Tezuka impressed him, because Tezuka was formidable even then. " If talking about all this bothered Saeki in any way, he did a very good job of not showing it.

"When Tezuka was injured by a senpai somewhere in the middle of the first year, Syusuke told me that he had later challenged that senpai to a match and won, obviously. Syusuke was always fighting battles that weren't his. I guess that was when Tezuka started to notice him for real."

"But aniki didn't like Tezuka-san at first." Yuuta intervened, feeling the need to say something, "You know that, right?"

"I know." Saeki turned the envelope over and over in his hands, "But in the beginning of their second year, they officially started dating."

If the conversation did not contain the characters it did, (namely, his aniki and Tezuka-san), Yuuta might have laughed at the absurdity of it. This story was almost like one of those pointless soap operas that Yumiko-neesan liked to watch.

"Syusuke didn't tell me at first though, he later claimed he forgot. I met Tezuka during winter break when he came with you guys to visit. I didn't think about it much, I didn't even remember feeling jealous, I was feeling happy for Syusuke, believe it or not. And plus, they were going to break up sooner or later. Tezuka just didn't seem Syusuke's type, you know.

But they didn't break up, they even kept in touch over the summer, which was something even he and I don't do. So all things were well until the start of their first year, when Tezuka started devoting a lot of time training this freshman." Here, Saeki paused again.

"Echizen Ryoma." Yuuta supplied, I played him in my second year. I lost, and Mizuki-san almost had me skinned for that."

"Oh." A faint smile creased the other's lips, "Well, anyway, you know how Syusuke is, he thought Tezuka was secretly dating Echizen, though, of course, Tezuka wasn't. But Syusuke broke up with him, and came back to me.

For a whole month, he called me everyday, mostly complaining about Tezuka and the way he ran practice. Even though the conversation was about Tezuka most of the time, I was happy, because I got to hear his voice, and that in itself was enough."

Yuuta smiled a somewhat sour smile, "Mom got really mad about aniki hogging the phone all the time."

"But after a month, the calls just stopped, no explanation, no nothing. I had my suspicions, though I couldn't anything about it. I think it was a week or so after the match with Hyotei. Syusuke wrote and told me how he whipped this guy 6-1. There was no mention of Tezuka whatsoever. And then, three days after the postcard, Tezuka came. He literally showed up on my doorstep." Saeki lost interest in the envelope and put it down on the table.

"Tezuka-san came here…?" Just how twisted was this documentary going to get?

"He came." Saeki confirmed heavily, "He took me out to coffee, and said he wanted to talk. I haven't the slightest idea even now how he got my address but…well…"

"I'm back."

Saeki instantly shut up and crammed the envelope behind a cushion. "Hello, Syusuke, how was your walk?" his voice, Yuuta noticed, was rather strangled.

Fuji sat down on the couch, close enough that his knees were touching Saeki's, "I didn't realize you'd be back this quickly, Sae."

Saeki said simply, "I wanted to see you."

Yuuta decided it was time to leave. He certainly wasn't going to get the end of that story anytime soon. He didn't even know if he wanted to hear the ending.

-x-

"You play beautifully."

Tezuka flinched, but allowed himself to relax when he realized it was a different voice. He took his hands off the keys and asked, without turning, "How did you know I was here?"

Kajimoto shrugged, "I called your place, your roommate told me you were here."

"I see." Tezuka scooted over to make room for the other boy, "This is a private building."

"I knew the security guard, I told him that I was an acquaintance." Kajimoto answered the unspoken query, not at all bothered.

That stopped Tezuka in mid-flinch, he had half expected for Kajimoto to say that he was his boyfriend. No, wait, that sounded like something Fuji would say, wait, what did Fuji say to get in the building? He knew for sure that his ex did not know the security guard.

"Is something wrong?"

"Hn."

Kajimoto ran a hand over the keys, "I used to play piano in grade school, but I had to quit in junior high because it conflicted with tennis practice. Hanamura-sensei was going to kill me if I missed one more practice."

Tennis. Did everyone on the face of this planet play tennis? "Hn." Tezuka said as calmly as he knew how, right now, it wasn't much. "I'll be right back."

"Okay." Kajimoto smiled easily.

Tezuka liked Kajimoto's smile, it hid nothing, unlike Fuji's smile. In fact, every time the tensai smiled, Tezuka had the feeling something bad was going to happen. He closed the door.

A dull beep informed Kajimoto that a cell phone was going off somewhere. After a minute's search, he found Tezuka's cell phone tucked neatly inside his jacket pocket. It was just like Tezuka to have such a monotonous ring tone, "Hello?"

"Hello, this is Fuji Syusuke." A rather feminine voice answered on the other end, but make no mistake, it was a male speaking, "Is Kunimitsu there?"


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue, end of story

Notes: Back! A lot faster this time too. Thanks for all the reviews! (Hands out candy to all reviewers )I got past 100! (Insert fangirly squeal here) well, anyway, on with the chapter 10…

-x-

Kunimitsu? Who was Kunimitsu? "Who is—" Kajimoto started, but caught himself in time to save face when he suddenly remembered that Kunimitsu was Tezuka's first name. "Oh, Tezuka's not here at the moment, sorry, may I take a message?"

There was silence on the other end, punctuated only by the light breathing of the stranger who referred to his boyfriend by first name. At length, the voice ventured cautiously, "Who are you?"

Kajimoto could have sworn he heard another question, "_And who are you to Kunimitsu, exactly?" _it might have been 'My Kunimitsu',but against his better judgment, he decided to answer both, "My name is Kajimoto Takahisa," A pause, "Tezuka and I are, uh…friends." It felt too awkward to say boyfriend, not that he was particularly possessive, but it was a fact.

"Close…friends." The voice seemed to deflate, like a balloon that had been punctured with a pin, letting air out slowly. "I see. Tell Kuni—I mean Tezuka something for me then." It was not a request. "Tell him to come to the college park tennis courts at seven tomorrow, I have something of his to return. Have a nice day, Kajimoto-san. Thank you very much."

"Wait a—" Kajimoto stopped when he realized the other had hung up. He put the phone back into Tezuka's jacket pocket.

"Who was that?"

He whirled around, like a grade-school student caught cheating or shoplifting or something to that effect. Tezuka stared at him, like he knew. The expression in his eyes said so. Kajimoto shifted uncomfortably, "If I heard right, it was a guy." he had definitely heard right, he wasn't deaf. "He called you Kunimitsu."

Tezuka turned his face away, careful that Kajimoto could not see his expression. All of his newly recollected calm was gone. Why did Fuji call at a time like this? "Do you want explanations?"

"…No." Kajimoto stood up, "I don't want explanations. I can't mind what isn't my business. He wants you to meet him tomorrow at seven in the college park tennis courts; it's your choice if you want to meet with him. He says that he has something of yours to return."

"I don't want to meet with him."

"Then don't."

"Would you go?" He was really starting to sound like a spoiled child. The opposite of what he was raised to be. Of course, everything he was now was opposite of what he was raised to be, his parents had grinded it into him to be faithful in a relationship, and where did that lead him?

Kajimoto said quietly, "I'll go."

-x-

Inui had a very irritating routine of reading his mood when he came in the door, this proved no exception, "You're contemplating suicide, aren't you." It was not phrased like a question. "I'll poison you and save you the trouble, what's wrong?"

"Well…" Tezuka considered a moment before countering with, "If you put Fuji and Kajimoto in a boxing ring, what would happen? Let's start with that." (Where did that statement come from? Apparently, too much television wasn't good for him.)

Inui gave him a very strange look that plainly said, "_You're insane, I'm just too nice to tell you."_ But he said, after putting on his thinking pose, "…Interesting question, I'm not familiar with boxing, but given the status of both, I'd say that Kajimoto would win by at least a round. What the hell?"

The stoic boy gave a sigh, "They are going to meet tomorrow."

Inui did not need to ask who 'they' were. He was kind enough to not tease Tezuka, for once, "Oh, how did that happen?"

"I don't know." Tezuka replied truthfully.

"For once, I don't want to know."

-x-

After Kajimoto got home, he went to the kitchen cabinet and proceeded to swallow two aspirin tablets without water. It didn't help.

He was stuck.

He had to meet with Tezuka's ex-boyfriend. Tomorrow.

Why did he agree to that?

"Yo, Kajimoto!" a hand clapped him on the back, "That was one short date."

"It was not a date." He gritted out, turning to face his roommate, Wakato Hiroshi, who was wearing… "What on earth are you wearing?"

"Oh," Wakato ran a hand over his hair, which was held tightly with a number of tight pink curlers, "It's for the musicale today, I'm playing a grandma."

"Okay." Kajimoto said amiably, one might ask, why didn't he scream? The answer is simple, he got used to it, and he had seen his former teammate in a number of costumes, so it was no big deal. "I have a question for you."

"Spill." Wakato busied himself at the counter making a sandwich.

"…" It was a stupid question. "What are you suppose to wear when meeting with an ex?" Oh, joy, the end of the world. He was actually asking Wakato Hiroshi for fashion advice…

"Meeting with an ex?" Wakato raised an eyebrow as he paused in the middle of his sandwich making, the question was obviously too wierd "Kajimoto, you're asking me. For fashion advice. Is it your ex? Or his ex?"

"Um, Tezuka's ex."

"Why are you meeting with Tezuka's ex, of all people?"

"Beats me."

"…What do you want to do during the meeting? Like beat him up? Get with him?" The orange haired boy was genuinely intrigued now. "Tell him to stay away from Tezuka? What?"

"…What does that have to do with anything?" Kajimoto was officially feeling sick. If he came down with flu, it'd be a good excuse to worm out of this. "I just have to get whatever he's returning to Tezuka, that's all."

"If that's case then," Wakato suddenly sounded not unlike a professor, "Wear the most expensive thing you have in your closet. But don't wear it if it's a suit."

"Uh…" Was this ridiculous, or what?

"And take my lucky Change Over hat, you'll need it."

-x-

The two receivers clicked simultaneously. Saeki recrossed his legs and examined the telephone with renewed interest, "Well." He said, prompting the other.

"Sae." Fuji would not meet his gaze, deliberately drawing out the word so he could have time to think, "Are you mad at me?"

"I'd like to be, but, no, I'm not." Saeki still managed to smile, "If you love him, there's no helping it."

Fuji laid his head on Saeki's lap like a child seeking comfort, "I hate this, I hate doing this to you."

"Nah, I did what I was asked."

The cerulean orbs riveted on him, "…Did what you were asked?"

"Yeah." Saeki did not look at him, "I might as well tell you, we're breaking up, anyway. Before Tezuka left for Germany, he came here to see me."

"Here to see you." Fuji repeated quietly, "For what, Sae?"

"He treated me to coffee, and asked me to do a favor for him." Saeki answered readily, "That favor was to love you, and comfort you, and be there for you in his stead, since he couldn't be there for you himself." A sniff. He looked down to see that Fuji was crying.

"Kunimitsu did love me."

"Yeah. A lot."


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: See previous chapters…

Notes: Let's see…this is probably the longest chapter I've ever written, and apologies for the last chapter, I know it was kind of bland, but it was needed to clear the loose ends a bit, so hopefully this chapter will be better emotion-wise.

And of course, thanks to all my reviewers, you know what? This is probably the first time I've ever finished a composition, ever. Well, maybe except for school, but that's different…blah, I'm finished rambling now, enjoy the chapter!

-x-

"_Kunimitsu." _

_The other looked up, hardly surprised, "Syusuke." He said flatly in greeting. "Nice of you to show, did you have Saeki's permission to come?"_

_It was almost frightening to see the other lying there, looking as if he was half dying, even though he was not, Fuji swallowed painfully, "Look, I…it…I wish you wouldn't be so sarcastic, it doesn't become you." He glanced at the door, looking for moral support and finding none. _

_Tension radiated between them like electricity that fairly cracked in the air. After a decent interval of staring, Tezuka raised himself up on his good arm, "That has no bearing on the current discussion, Fuji."_

_Tezuka hadn't called him that, it was always 'Syusuke', he'd always insisted on 'Syusuke', and not 'Fuji', because 'Fuji' sounded too ordinary and much too formal. The usage of the name made him feel suddenly cold and distant from one who was always so close. "I thought I told you not to call me that." _

"_This is hardly a private situation." Tezuka countered quietly, "Sit down." He gestured to the hard-backed chair next to the bed._

_Fuji obeyed. "But Kunimitsu, at least…at least let me ex—"_

"_Explain." Tezuka finished. "…How many times have you explained this? Answer that question, then you may explain." Apparently, supporting himself on one elbow proved too much of a strain so the bespectacled boy fell back amongst the pillows once more, "I've tried to hate you. But I never could. You and I…are we a blessing, or a curse?"_

"_We are neither." Fuji replied with unexpected surety, "We just are. In between, one might say. Why are you always looking for answers?"_

"_Because I have the unfortunate birth defect known as logic." Tezuka replied with something between laughter and disdain, if he was trying to be funny, Fuji failed to see the humorous side of it. "Something, that you don't have, and I envy you for it."_

"_Kunimitsu, it's scary when you talk like this." He tried to shift the conversation back into more stable ground, "Besides, everybody in the tennis club envy you and want to be like you, is that a bad thing?" _

"_And what do they know?" Tezuka said, "And what do you know?"_

"_Everything about you tells me."_

"_That is why." Tezuka paused, obviously trying to search for the appropriate wording, "We will…never…work, we know too much. When you are happy, I know, when you suffer, I suffer. It will…be the end of us. Fuji…Syusuke, let's not do this anymore, let's be free."_

_He had not expected this, of all things, Fuji had originally expected Tezuka to be mad beyond belief and break up with him in the heat of the moment, and that things would get back to normal next week or something, but not this. "Kunimitsu, I…trapped or not, I want to be…with you." Though he knew it was in vain, whenever Tezuka made up his mind about something, it was pretty much final._

"_No. You will try to escape again from me, that is what you did tonight, and I don't blame you for it. I blame us, and of course, myself." Tezuka did not meet his gaze this time, "So, go. Go and don't look back, because if you do, I will see you suffer, that is the last thing I want to see."_

_It was amazing how much poise Tezuka possessed, even on a hospital bed, it was power; power to do what Fuji would never have the courage to do. "Kunimitsu, I—" _

"_Go, please." A genuine plea that sounded very odd coming from the captain. "Go and forget. Even at school,when we see each other;we'll just, pretend we don't see." _

"_Do something for me then, then…I will." Fuji rose awkwardly from the chair and laid a hand on Tezuka's forehead, "Tell me that I am precious, I will never hear it again, not from you, nor from anyone else." _

_Tezuka sighed and brushed away his hand, for fear of getting hold of it, and never letting go, "You are precious to me, more precious than these words can ever say, but I don't need to say them, because you know, Syusuke."_

_Fuji said, through a hard-plastered smile, "You too, Tezuka." Then left. _

After five days, the racket came, along with a note that must've taken Tezuka ages to compose. The racket was old now, five years, to be exact, but Fuji had gone through the trouble of keeping it as new as possible, why? Just because. He had no answer to that. Except for the fraying of the felt grip at the edges, it was in decent condition.

"Excuse me, are you Fuji Syusuke?" a voice made him look up.

Fuji let go of the racket in surprise, letting it fall to the ground, where it landed with a crack, "You are…you're not Kunimitsu."

"No. I'm not." The youth standing in front of him agreed tonelessly, "I'm Kajimoto Takahisa, Tezuka said he had a previous engagement and sends his apologies." He looked at the empty half of the bench that Fuji was sitting on, "Do you mind if I sit down?"

As if he had a choice to begin with. Fuji nodded, struggling to be polite, "Please."

Kajimoto sat and studied the person beside him. So…this was Fuji Syusuke, the first word that came to mind was flimsy, but somehow, Fuji gave the impression of being anything but. His eyes found the racket. "That's his, isn't it?" In this conversation, the pronoun could only mean one person.

The other nodded again, although he verbally dodged the comment altogether. "A previous engagement with who? Obviously not you, since you're here."

"He had a…dinner meeting with his manager." This was partially true; Tezuka did say he was going to eat dinner with someone, though he didn't exactly specify the other, yet Kajimoto had a feeling that lying was necessary in a place like this.

"Kajimoto-san, I'm going to ask you a fairly strange question. Please be honest."

This was a fairly strange setup already, Kajimoto shrugged, "Fine."

"Which hand does Tezuka write with?"

Come to think of it, he'd never seen Tezuka write anything. Though he did play piano, and the louder hand was most likely his dominate hand, he had heard Tezuka play just the day before. "I haven't actually seen him write anything, but I'm guessing his left?"

"So it did heal." Fuji commented to himself, "I'm glad."

_So did what heal?_ "What healed?" Kajimoto asked before he could stop himself, he'd been taught never to question anything, but what was out was out.

Fuji picked up the racket, "Do you play?"

Jumping from one subject to another was not something Kajimoto particularly excelled at, so he was momentarily taken back, "Tennis? Sometimes. I haven't had the chance to play Tezuka yet, if that's what you mean."

"I want you to play me a game of tennis, Kajimoto-san." Fuji smiled suddenly, "If you win, I'll tell you everything, if you lose, I'll say nothing, fair enough?"

Somehow, Kajimoto found himself nodding in agreement.

"Give me all you've got. Or else it won't be any fun, Kajimoto-san, you can use Kunimitsu's racket."

-x-

How did this happen? Kajimoto asked himself (not for the first time), at first, it seemed reasonably simple, Tezuka not wanting to meet his ex, so he was asked to pick up whatever it was that Fuji had to return.

Now, he was standing in a tennis court, preparing to play a boy that had been a stranger to him only ten minutes before, to make things even more ironic, he was playing with Tezuka's racket with a load of information at stake.

It was obvious that the other had planned this, the meeting place, the racket, and even the time was perfect. But it was supposed to be Tezuka in this scenario, not him, in his own opinion, he was as far from Tezuka Kunimitsu as one can get. "I want to ask you something, before we play."

"Yes, Kajimoto-san?" Fuji looked up from unzipping his racket cover. Smiling still, but now there was something else in the smile that made him hesitate.

"Why are you playing me? I'm not Tezuka."

That made him pause. "When you play a game, Kajimoto-san, don't you want to _win_? No matter who your opponent is? You don't go easy on them, do you?"

"Well, no. I suppose not. There are certain exceptions, however." This guy was certainly persistent, "For example, if I had a little sister and I was playing her, I wouldn't be going all out."

"When Kunimitsu played me, he'd never played me seriously, he would gain a little ground, then he would wait until I caught up, that was the way we always played, I hate it. I was never on equal ground with Tezuka, and that vexes me."

Forget the game, the information was coming whether he liked it or not. Kajimoto crossed over to the net, "It vexes you. It would vex anyone, me, and anyone Tezuka's played in the past."

"Tezuka didn't always play that way, he had this way of showing off his skills without bragging. We all admired him for that. In the middle of first year in junior high, he beat a senpai, I think a second year 6-0, with his right hand, and Tezuka was left-handed."

That explained the hand business. "Fuji-san, you don't have to force yourself to tell me."

"No, I've been wanting to say this for a long time, but I'd never had anyone to say it to." Fuji shook his head, "It might as well be you." He tapped the racket aimlessly on his knee, "Even though I should probably hate you, not you, but the part that you play."

It took guts to say that. "The part that I play?"

"Yes, the part that you play, you are Kunimitsu's boyfriend, aren't you?" Fuji regarded him calmly, "You told me yourself, that you were friends, when I was with Kunimitsu, I never said I was his boyfriend, I always said friend, that was what he wanted."

Was he, really? In a literally sense, yes, but they…

"Saa, sorry about that, Kajimoto-san." Fuji's voice suddenly brought him around again. The cerulean-eyed boy hauled himself off the ground, bringing the racket with him, "About the delay, we will began our match now."


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: not mine

Notes: Yay...one more chapter after this and I'll be done...this is going to be it for a while, since I'm going on spring vacation. Have a good read.

-x-

Grief, Yuuta decided, was a very complex expression. It was loss, shock, pain, want, and maybe underneath all the layers, was relief. As far as he could tell, those emotions were so plain on Saeki's face as if they were actually written there.

"Kunimitsu takes good care of me." Fuji was saying, "He always does…"

"Sure."

It was not the first time he had seen.

"_Aniki, open the door. I know you're in there."_

_The reply, short, muffled. "Go away."_

"_You know you've locked yourself in for two hours, sooner or later they'll start asking questions, and you're going to have to tell them that you and Tezuka-san broke up." Yuuta did not mean to say that for coyness, he meant it for real. "You can't tell them that. You know how Mom feels about that sort of thing…"_

"_We did not break up, we just agreed not to see each other for a little while." This answer was more like a sigh, nevertheless, the door opened, "What?" Fuji was wearing an overly large t-shirt with a large green Q in the center, complete with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders._

"_Aniki, what happened?" Being a fourteen-year-old boy, Yuuta seldom found the right words for anything, but, "…your face, it's really pale, and green, like you've seen a ghost or something. And what are you wearing?" he could always tell his brother was in a bad mood when he'd forgotten how to dress._

"_I'm always pale." His aniki smiled reassuringly, though the smile itself was somewhat disturbing, "I'm all right. Really, Yuuta, you worry too much." _

_Are you, really? Yuuta didn't have the guts to say that aloud, so he merely said, "Yumiko-neesan wants you down for dinner." The expression on his brother's face was more than enough to chase him out of the room._

"_Don't worry, I'll be down in just a minute."_

"…All right, Yuuta, you can come out now." Saeki looked to the corner of the hallway where Yuuta was hidden snugly (or so he thought) behind the houseplant he had bought last month, "This is nothing sacred."

The younger Fuji stepped out into the open; Saeki was the only one in the room, lunging on the couch, trying his best to appear casual, though of course he didn't exactly succeed. "Where did aniki go?"

"Syusuke left," the other sounded very dry, "I think the rest you can guess."

"And you let him go?" Yuuta's voice held undisguised surprise.

"What else do you want me to do, Yuuta? Chain him to the wall? That might be nice if I could find a chain strong enough." Saeki returned mockingly, he hauled himself into an upright position, "Handling your brother is a very task to keep up with. I'm sure you know that."

"I know." Yuuta looked away, he toyed with a loose thread on his sweater, "Do you think Tezuka-san will take him back?"

"Whatever Syusuke wants, Syusuke gets. Except maybe Tezuka. We'll see." Saeki ran a hand rather distractedly through his hair. "What do you think?"

"…I…" Yuuta was having a hard time deciding how to phrase his answer without hurting the feelings of the other, "Aniki and Tezuka-san aren't like that…they, well, they…" he paused.

Saeki seemed to sense what the younger one was thinking and supplied dully, "Go on, you've said that much."

"They just aren't like that, it's almost like they're communicating by telepathy or something like that, I remember when aniki told me once that the locker room lock was jammed and fifteen minutes later, Tezuka-san picked the lock and let him out, and it was really late too." Yuuta rushed out the explanation in one breath and looked to Saeki for the reprimand.

None came, instead, just the opposite, "You don't want your aniki to get hurt again, do you?"

Yuuta glanced up, "Huh?"

"There is one other person that you should ask." Saeki fished his car keys from his pocket and tossed them to him, "If you want answers, he'll give them to you."

Yuuta nodded. Though why Saeki thought that Tezuka-san would give him answers on a subject that was closed even to his closest acquaintances was beyond him, "I'll be back, Sae-san."

"Mind you, bring the car back in one piece." It was a helpless attempt at humor, then again, it might have been much more serious: _Mind you, bring Syusuke back in one piece_. It was too close a comparison. Yuuta ducked out the door before Saeki could change his mind.

-x-

The clock chimed seven thirty. Kajimoto and Fuji would have met by now. Tezuka spun the pen aimlessly between his thumb and forefinger. He vaguely wondered how much the tensai would tell, and more importantly, how much Kajimoto would believe.

He snapped to attention when Inui entered the room with his arms loaded with notebooks and textbooks, "Where are you going?"

"Tutoring flunkies. I have to get money for the rent, you know." Inui answered, shifting his weight so that he could slip on his shoes.

"Don't you need to take a backpack?"

"Nope. It's good training this way." He was gone, "Don't wait up."

"_No, no, you don't understand, it's not what it looks like, I swear, Kunimitsu…Kunimitsu!"_

"_Skip it." He walked with brisk steps of one who wanted to escape._

"_His parents were getting divorced and it was really hard on him and I was just…he wanted to kill himself! He had a knife and everything…Kunimitsu, please…"_

"_Stop babbling, it doesn't suit you. If it means so much to you then go back to him."_

"_Kunimitsu, you're not listening to me."_

"_Do you expect me to?"_

"_Stop that, please, and just listen," an imploring hand reached out and caught him by the sleeve. "Kunimitsu, please listen."_

"_Just." Tezuka took a deep breath and removed the other's grip on his sleeve with pained gentleness, "Go. Away. And plus, someone else needs your pity, have you forgotten?"_

"_No, he doesn't, and I wasn't doing that! Kunimitsu, you…"_

"_It's Tezuka, Fuji." A part of him wanted to give the other a good shake and a lecture, like a younger sibling, but his dignity steeled him against doing so, "Just leave me alone. I want to be alone." _

_The figure finally got the message, and began to retreat back toward the playground, where the benches were, and where **he **was. "No, it's Kunimitsu to me, and Syusuke to you. Always." _

_He could think of nothing to counter that. The blue eyes, everything in them begged forgiveness. _

The doorbell rang twice. Tezuka stayed silent, anticipating the "Hoi, hoi, Tezuka! Open up!" that would surely come after, but then, there was nothing. "Come in, the door is unlocked." He said tonelessly.

If it wasn't Kikumaru, it was probably Oishi, and if it wasn't Oishi, it was probably Echizen, and if it wasn't Echizen, it was…

His

"…Aniki's not here with you?"

-x-

"Which, Kajimoto-san?" Fuji's smile was getting creepier by the minute. Kajimoto stared down at the concrete, trying to gather what little concentration he had left.

"I have a question, Fuji-san."

"What?" the smile tensed, oh so very slightly.

"Tezuka does not deal out specific silent treatment for no reason."

Fuji was unnerved, Kajimoto observed with guilty satisfaction. He had never taken pleasure in others' discomfort before, it was a new feeling, not exactly bad, not exactly good. But the sandy-haired boy recovered quite quickly. "Ah…Kajimoto-san, so you are one of those…curious types, shall I say?"

"Well…I suppose you could say that." Kajimoto shrugged in what he hoped was a casual manner.

"I do not blame him. Whatever he does to me, I deserve." Fuji said gently, as if reprimanding a small child who did not understand the ways of the world, "You do not want to know what I did to deserve." A pause, "Since you don't feel like choosing, I'll take serve, ne?"

-x-

Tezuka kept his expression blank, his tone polite, used when addressing an elder, "Fuji…Yuuta." The name came hesitantly to him. He stood up, "Fuji's not here at the moment, is there something else you need?"

If Yuuta had any common sense, he should have given up right then, but then, this situation had gone out of hand, and 'common sense' would not help. It was all guts and whatever else now, aniki was the one good at this sort of thing. "How come aniki's not here with you, Tezuka-san? Sae-san said he was here."

Tezuka stared thoughtfully at the younger boy before saying, "You look tired, would you like something to drink?"

"I…no, what?" Yuuta blinked in surprise, "I mean, excuse me?"

"Would you like something to drink?" Tezuka repeated calmly.

"I…um," Why the hell was Tezuka-san offering him a drink when he just barged in rudely and demanded the whereabouts of his aniki? If anything, Tezuka-san should have been pissed off. "Sure, I guess."

"Would a cup of coffee be sufficient?"

"Oh…um, anything's fine, really…" Intrigued, Yuuta took off his shoes and followed his brother's former captain/boyfriend into the kitchen. Though something in his subconscious warned him not to ask.

Tezuka poured two mugs of coffee and set one down in front of himself, the other he handed to Yuuta, "Sit." He said simply. "Fuji is not here. It's true that he came here, with the intention of seeing me, but our schedules conflicted." He sipped coffee slowly, "What else?"

He was too calm. Yuuta stirred his cup, deliberately delaying his reply, "Tezuka-san, I…I know it's not my place to say but aniki was really…"

Tezuka then did something unexpected; he interrupted, "…Foolish. Syusuke was foolish, as was I. Is that what you wanted to say?"

His brother's name was suddenly beautiful, spoken in the monotone that was stern and emotionless, except for him, for him,for his brother, "Tezuka-san, may I have some sugar?"

It was one of those sentences spoken solely for the purpose of filling silence. The bespectacled boy slid the blue container over to him. Yuuta dumped two spoonfuls into the brownish liquid and watched as it disappeared.

"If you want to know, I will tell you." Tezuka drained the remainder of his coffee, "But first, one thing you need to know. I do not hate Syusuke. And everything we had together was precious, however painful, however foolish."

"_Ne, ne, Yuuta, Kunimitsu said I was precious today…" _

That had been such a long time ago. Yuuta did not remember exactly what he had said in return. But that definitely wasn't a phrase you would excitedly tell your little brother. He might have said something like, "Aniki, don't lie, only girls say that kind of stuff."

It wasn't true.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I do not own Tennis no Ohjisama.

Notes: Finally finished! YAY! (runs off and laughs like a crazed maniac.) have a good read, and make sure to review! And of course, thanks a bunch to all my reviewers!

-x-

Only running water filled the silence that once again settled itself between the two of them, as Tezuka busied himself at the sink scrubbing his now empty coffee mug. After a decent interval, he ventured, very quietly, "You care for your brother." It was a statement, not a question.

Yuuta's first impulse was to deny it, as he always did, but this was Tezuka-san he was talking to, so exceptions were made. "…I do not like to see him like this, Tezuka-san." Which was the answer closest to the truth that he could give.

"No." The older boy put the cup back into the cabinet and sat back down. "Your brother, he was, and still is, the tensai that everyone loved and admired. I was never that fortunate."

Was it possible that Tezuka, of all people, was jealous of aniki? Yuuta shook his head, no, that was absurd. "Aniki wasn't…like that." He felt compelled to say.

"He wasn't." for a second time, Tezuka agreed, "And no, I was not jealous, if that is what you are thinking. Yuuta-san."

It was the first time that Tezuka actually acknowledged him as something other than 'Fuji-ototou.' Yuuta didn't know whether to be pleased, or otherwise. He took a sip of coffee to keep from answering.

"Syusuke was the kind of person that drew people to him without trying. He could smile and reassure everyone with a sense of warmth that was his alone. The warmth and the reckless courage that drew even me." Tezuka made a sound that could have been a smirk.

"Yet…you broke up." Yuuta supplied. Why? He wanted to ask, Tezuka-san just described a relationship that only appeared in books that Yumiko-neesan read in her spare time, absolute dependence, perfection.

"Yes." Tezuka said shortly, "It was mutual, the last time."

"No, it wasn't." the words came out before the younger Fuji could stop them, "Did you know what the breakup did to him? It killed aniki, it destroyed everything that was him, he wouldn't even touch a tennis racket for months! Mom almost ended up sending him to a mental clinic and he—" then he saw the other's face, and stopped. "…Tezuka-san?"

What little color in Tezuka's complexion drained completely, leaving an ashen pallor that marked the dead. "…It destroyed me too." He managed to choke out after a minute, "Please, don't say any more."

But Yuuta couldn't stop, "Then why? Why did you love aniki so much only to…"

_Did you know what the breakup did to me, Kunimitsu? It killed me, it destroyed everything that was me; I couldn't even touch a tennis racket for months! Mom almost ended up sending me into a mental clinic…_reflectingthe words hurt, and badly, "What did Syusuke tell you?"

"He told me…he told me that you got in an accident and 'decided not to see each other for a while', his words." Yuuta pushed his coffee cup away, "He lied, didn't he, Tezuka-san?"

"No, what he told you was partial truth." Tezuka sighed heavily, "It was true I got into an accident, and that marked our 'not seeing each other for a while', but it was also partially a lie, on my part." It was a kind of relief to say that out loud, "Syusuke thought I was angry at him because I saw him with Saeki, it was not a misunderstanding, as he had been led to believe."

Yuuta could only gape. He must've looked like an idiot sitting there, "…That's…ridiculous." Though which was more ridiculous he couldn't decide: his brother cheating on Tezuka with Saeki, or Tezuka lying. "So…it was Sae-san's fault?"

"No. I suppose you could say that Saeki was an excuse." Tezuka no longer met his gaze, "According to Syusuke, Saeki was on the verge of suicide, so of course, he wasn't the one to blame. And I'm grateful to him, to Saeki."

That was another unexpected fact. The way Yuuta saw it, Saeki was the outsider in this situation, therefore, it made sense that Tezuka would hate, well, if not hate, at least detest Saeki, but…he was grateful? "Why?" the word seemed to be the key question of the evening.

"…This is something Syusuke told me once." Tezuka answered slowly, "It scared me. He told me that he didn't know how to be 'Syusuke' without me. That if I was not there, he could only be 'Fuji', the tennis player with a warm smile forever pasted on his face, chasing after a shadow, while the insides would remain cold."

"It…scared you?"

"Maybe you won't understand." Tezuka said rather bluntly, "But to be alone, and never truly whole, it 'kills' you, as you so kindly put it earlier." He paused, as if in a trance, "We could never…be free of each other, he was always watching me, as I was always watching him. Being 'Tezuka and Fuji' will destroy us, one day."

"Maybe aniki didn't want to be saved." Yuuta interjected quietly, "…he would have said it was a good destruction."

The other acted if he hadn't heard, "The accident supposedly obliterated my left arm, even until today, the rehab doctors aren't sure how it healed to the current condition. Still, it gave me an excuse to quit tennis, quit Chinese chess, change my major from Biology to Sociology. I cut off everything that Tezuka Kunimitsu once thought worthy.

I became a stranger within myself; that was the price that I had to pay to forget and be truly whole. I took up piano, for my mother's sake, because she always had wanted a son that was as musically talented as she was, as opposed to a son who was a national level athlete. But then, I discovered I couldn't hide from him, he was always there, waiting, watching."

"Why couldn't you?"

His answer did not come immediately, though when the words came, Tezuka knew that they were true now, and he would never deny the genuineness of them again, "I love him."

-x-

"Ne, Kajimoto-san." Fuji slung his racket over his shoulder, "Perhaps we should pause for a break, you look as if you need one." The smile never wavered, "There's a vending machine over there—" he gestured in the general direction of the convenience store next to the park entrance, "I'll get you some water, it's bad if you dehydrate in the middle of the game, I'll be right back."

"…Thanks." While the words were supposedly kind, they stung. Kajimoto could sense the aura of anger so obviously enveloping Fuji, although he couldn't tell if the anger was directed toward himself, or Tezuka, his bet was on the latter.

Fuji propped his racket carefully against the net and started to jog off, then turned, "Ne, Kajimoto-san."

Kajimoto looked up rather wearily, "Yes?"

"…No, never mind. Forget I said anything." Fuji shook his head and went.

Kajimoto watched what would be his destruction go. It was actually no problem to see why Fuji and Tezuka were…that. While he and Tezuka would get nowhere closer than being careful acquaintances.

What was also plain was that Fuji wanted Tezuka back, badly. For reasons he was probably better off not knowing. What he did know was that those two, no matter how far they ran from each other, would forever bounce back, like magnets, or a boomerang. Kajimoto did not know where he came up with this analogy, but it made sense.

He fingered the taped felt of Tezuka's racket, granted, Kajimoto had never had the fortune to see Tezuka play, however if Fuji was this good, (the score was 1-4 at this point, Fuji's favor) Tezuka would certainly be legendary…

"Takahisa."

Kajimoto started at the sound of his name, the one that only a precious few used, even Wakato, whom he had known since forever didn't call him 'Takahisa'. He knew who he would see, "Tezuka, you don't need to pretend anymore."

Tezuka inhaled sharply, "You…knew." He concluded, his voice hoarse, "And you never…asked." 'Asked' wasn't the term he was looking for, though it would do for the present.

Kajimoto gave a somewhat sour smile, "Odds are you probably won't tell me, and besides, it's none of my business, and I have enough issues of my own."

The former captain of Seigaku decided he didn't like Kajimoto's sense of sarcasm, it was too ironic, then again, if he had ever tried to be sarcastic, his effort at sarcasm would also end up to be something to that effect. Tezuka changed the subject, "…Where's Fuji?"

"Getting drinks from the vending machine, your boyfriend is a very caring person, he was afraid I was going to get dehydrated." Kajimoto handed over the racket, "And this is the damn thing that started it all."

Tezuka took it, gingerly, "I haven't seen this in a while."

Kajimoto got to his feet, "I should go now." He smiled, somewhat sad this time. "Tezuka, Fuji-san's a good person, he's good for you."

Tezuka looked at the other, "…I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Kajimoto turned to go, "At least you figured it out now."

"Maybe we should play sometime, tennis." Tezuka suggested quietly, not quite sure if Kajimoto would hear.

"I'd like that."

-x-

Fuji dropped the two bottles of water he was holding, they landed with a crash on the concrete, one burst, the other bruised, but still in tact, "Kunimitsu…?" he was sure his eyes were playing tricks on him, that was supposed to be Kajimoto-san standing there. "What are you…?"

His throat had suddenly swollen up, making both talking and breathing difficult, "I came." Tezuka replied, words failed him, "Syusuke."

Fuji was the graceful type, but now, he was anything but graceful when he practically tripped over the net and bowled Tezuka over, but Tezuka still thought he looked beautiful just the same. The tensai was laughing, "I'm precious, Kunimitsu, I'myour precious again, aren't I, Kunimitsu?"

Tezuka kissed him gently on the mouth and said merely, "Yes."


End file.
